I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
