i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
