if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
