Rock
Scissors
Fuck
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
