He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize