I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
