your room smells of hookers.
And success
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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