No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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