was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
