At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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