so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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