Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
