I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
