We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
