Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
