I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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