Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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