yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
