Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize