So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
