My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
