a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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