i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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