my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
