meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
