Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Drake has all the answers
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
