So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
