I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
