dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
