His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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