those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
