I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Vodka?
Forever.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
