Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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