don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
