Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
