dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
