Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
