dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
