Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
