well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
