I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
