am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
