I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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