Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
