I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
