If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So much rum. So many feels.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Randomize
