Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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