I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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