saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize