sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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