I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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