She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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