I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
