There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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