Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
