I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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