I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
