Define "chronic" masturbator.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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