Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
