currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
