I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
