i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
