Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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