You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
