did you get engaged???
Swine flu. Run for my life!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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