I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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