as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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