I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
