dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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