You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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