I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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