My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
