you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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