i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
