Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
