Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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