new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
