I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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