filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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