I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
